Thursday, February 3, 2011

The New Fat Me--You don't know fat until you have had a baby

I’m fat. So, I am on a mission to lose some weight (while breastfeeding) and to buff up a little. I am sure that I lost some muscle tone throughout my pregnancy and recovery. The losing weight while breastfeeding thing is a little bit of a myth…while it is true that you lose a lot of the initial weight faster than a non-breastfeeding woman, it is not true that you automatically slim down just because you are breastfeeding. I guess it all depends on your metabolism (mine sucks) and how much food you push into your mouth (a small ton) while you are at home all day long, all winter long with not much else to do (or ways to entertain yourself) except eat.

Most of the time, I don’t even notice that I am fat. I was so huge when I was pregnant that after the baby came, I felt small at first—look at those svelte ankles and wrists?!?! Now, I am playing peek-a-boo and making up songs about Babyface and her chubby toes. Who gives a shit about my fatness? The baby doesn’t. The cat doesn’t. If the husband does, he doesn’t say. Everyone else say, “Oh honey, it will come off, you just had a baby.” Thank you. That was over four months ago. Not quite a “just” anymore. Let’s get real. So, instead of just bitching I am doing something about it.

1. Joined the gym (at least until summer) that has a daycare (not the best care I am sure, but as long as they keep her alive for an hour or two, I’m okay with it.)

2. Stop wearing sweats (this means that I need to go shopping…eff.) When you have to wear pants that zip and button, you have to buy a size. Right now that size is a 16/18. Hello Lane Bryant!

3. In the process of getting rid of snacks and cookies and white-flour shit in my cupboards. No more pretzels, no more junk, no cookies, brownies, animal crackers…all so seemingly innocent. Ha. Why not reach for an apple or a little hummus and carrots?

4. Realized that even though I am still breastfeeding, I cannot eat whatever I want anymore. I cannot be the garbage disposal that I have been, that I was during pregnancy. I do not need seconds or thirds. I do not need two cheeseburgers. It is not okay to eat two chocolate chip scones (Timbits, muffins, etc) in the car! It’s okay to feel hungry (for more than the minute it takes to shove some shit in your face.) Let’s let my appetite build, shall we? Yes.

5. More cooking. Less laziness.

Things that stand in my way (identify and get over it):

1. No one sees me. I am at home all day. I don’t go out. I don’t work outside of the home. Who cares what I look like?

2. I just had a baby.

3. It’s a huge pain in the ass to lug a baby to the gym in the ice and snow and unsafe during flu season.

4. No incentive? Too exhausted? It seems that I care very little about anything except my kid, keeping the house, feeding the husband, and getting a little sleep. My priorities are different. What I look like, isn’t even on the list.

5. My body changed so much I can’t get it back to what it was 8 years ago (my smallest weight.) I am too old to be that thin anyway.

6. Aren’t moms supposed to be doughier? This is what I am now.

7. I will never be skinny. I have always been thick. I will never be a skinny bitch.

8. I am getting older. I just turned 34. This is what 34 year old women look like. (At least, married mothers that are 34 and that were never thin.)

One more bitchy thing then I am moving on…eff models, and movie stars, and all those Kardashians that have babies. It is hard to lose weight and look good after you have a baby. It takes longer than a month or six for most normal gals. It takes dedication and concentration and someone to watch the kid while you exercise and it takes a lot more than most (poor, normal) women have at their disposal. I don’t have a trainer. I don’t have 3 hours a day to exercise. I don’t have a personal chef and stylist. I don’t have an airbrush. I am just like every other fat new mom in the world. My story is not unique.

The Weigh In

201 pounds

I weigh two hundred one pounds in sweats and slippers at 3:30pm on Thursday, February 03, 2011. There is it. My heaviest was 250 at 10 months pregnant. So, yes, I have lost about 50 pounds. Good for me. But I am still, by any and every standard, fat, overweight, obese.

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