Let me articulate this…I run because I can. Some people cannot. I work for the same reasons. I can. I found a great job. I am blessed. Blessings first.
The nature of my job has changed overnight. The tasks are mostly the same albeit more of the same, but the environment is now stark and harsh and ugly. The most challenging parts of my job (of which there are many) used to be balanced by an awesome team, by structural and intellectual support and encouragement, but that support, that team is gone. Now, my job is just hard and mostly unrewarding and there is no praise or help or support or camaraderie; just work, too much of it, there to hand over to no one (but yet…there are deadlines?) We have been abandoned. Business is so personal. This will test my metals.
I can weather the storm. I do feel like the wind-blown duckling—tumbling, tumbling, rolling into the sewer grate. I am going through the stages of loss, of grief, of heartache. Silly girl, I know…who gets upset over a change in your job—your job that you have had for a mere 6 months? I really give a shit about my work and my job and the people I work with. I care. We lost our leader. We are un-led.
I am made of greatness. Remind me of that later, when it all gets too big and when I feel small, smaller than the smallest duckling looking for a way to swim out of the sewage.