Do you know any person who's happy? Here's the rub:
1. Most people who say that they're happy wouldn't know happiness if they were sucking Happy off in the men's room. Submissiveness and complacency do not equal happiness; they equal ignorance. Can you have thoughts and a mind and passion and an equal fear of and respect for death/life and the government, and be happy? Is that too much to ask for?
2. Who calls up a friend to say, "Guess What?!?! I am so happy! My life is great. I just called to tell you that."? Unless that statement is quickly followed by this: "I have become a Zombie! It's wonderful. A strict diet of moron brains and carnage. You too can join the Zombie Collation for the low, low price of your soul. You won't be needing that anyway, right?"
3. Do you think that if you were really happy that you would even know it? (then your face will surely show it, if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands, clap, clap.)
I have to go scrub the congealed pork fat from the Crock-Pot because let's face it, we all know you won't fucking do it. Happy Friday.