Sunday, May 20, 2012

Diarrhea of the Brain

Words to think about:
Stronghold A place that is fortified and can be easily defended.

Mandatory Release Let me go. I have served my time.

Surrender You know you should surrender, but you just can’t let go.

Rote predictable unimagined dull expected obvious canned prerecorded

Random notes:

Aren’t you feeling sorry? Salty? A little dejected, unpopular? Is this a pity party or what? I only want to come if it’s a pity party…otherwise, what’s the point, Sucker?

Did you know that it’s a good thing to be vulnerable? Especially when your default/fault/defense mode is impenetrable, unfazed, unbreakable. Some people that are delicate and fragile can also be strong. It is not necessary to be opposing.

My chance for loving the way I want to love and getting love returned is dwindling. I have to love myself more to love other people better. I have to remember that I am worthy and loveable and deserving—and yes, it is a remembering thing…I felt that way once before my heart died—sometimes you get so hurt and you can’t stop hurting, so you shut down...that’s easier and a good mode of self-preservation. The trick is that after some shut down time, when you’ve had a break, you have to fire the engine back up and take the leap—find some faith again. I think I have forgotten how to do that. That is what I am trying to remember. 

Love is powerful and important. Love is not enough by itself—it will not pay the bills or teach you science. Love cannot protect you from overdue light bills—or maybe it can? I love myself and my kid so, I will do whatever it takes to pay the bills on time to keep the lights on and keep the debt collectors from hunting me down. I work to keep the peace and to pay someone to teach her science or math or economics or whatever.

I have no idea where I am going with this. Just toying around with some concepts and some realities.

Willie Nelson plays a mean guitar.

Listening to Willie Nelson Heros

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