When you focus really tightly in on your life and spend all your time enveloped in your family and the daily domestic rigamarole, you miss all the new and shiny dangling carrots, rainbow unicorns, and other mythical creatures along with news stories, the hottest new YouTube craze and a whole host of shit that people talk about and busy their lives with. You just miss it. Harlem shake, what's that?
Missing all of this can be a very good thing. Who needs all the hoopla and bullshit of the world? When what you get at home is love and jokes and silly, crazy, bi-polar two-year-old-tantrums that will forever be immortalized in film, and good dinners and relaxing book reading and isolation from the cold-drab world while lost in the warm insolation of your family.
There are days like today when I miss my friends. I wonder what the hell they are doing/thinking/feeling/loving/eating/fucking/listening to/reading, etc. But then I come on home and make guacamole for taco night and nestle my kiddo and read something on the Kindle and burrow in. Winter remedy? The whole other world (the world I used to love/run/own/getchewedupandspitoutby) disappears. Was the other world really there to begin with? Is this love and family shit what I used to be running from? What was I so afraid of?
I am both of that world and a product of it, as well as a refuge from it. I miss dancing and drinking and playing pool and listening to music so loud that my ear drums crackle--but I don't miss it enough to do that now, even though I could if I wanted to...I just don't really want that. Maybe I just want to miss all that but not really recreate it (as if I really could recreate it--I am too old, who the hell am I kidding? And it just wouldn't be the same anyways.)
We went out last week and drank and danced and I smoked (for shame!) and it was great fun, but somewhere in that night, I missed my kid and couch and books. No shit.
I think summer will remedy any inkling of restlessness--sitting outside always feels like you're going out...dinners al fresco is just what I need to stave off the metallic unicorns of my mythic pasts and the rest of the world.
Come on baby, come on.