Sunday, December 22, 2013

AA Demystified

There are a lot of things that are great about getting drunk. Here is a list:
  1. You don’t need fiber.  Drinking too much cleans out your body. Come hell or high water, if you poison yourself, you will shit and purge all of the contents of your stomach and bowels and you get to start over. Think of it as a fun master cleanse.
  2.  In vino veritas, in aqua sanitas  People often apologize for getting drunk and saying things that they “regret.” I call bullshit on all those people.  I like to get drunk and say things that I mean. Small truths live in us every day, we keep those truths inside all quiet and alone, the things that we can’t say when our walls are up and strong and sober, come out so beautifully when we are drunk.  Think of this as an emotional cleanse and revel in it. (Drink some water for health—being dehydrated is terrible.)
  3.  Brain fog can be relaxing. Do you know how hard we all work to keep our shit together? When I’m hungover, I can’t do it all and I don’t want to. I read and watch mindless TV and eat veggie sticks and apples (everything must be crunchy.) I don’t clean or fuss around the house. I sit still and quiet and chill. I am best (hungover) when I’m not at work, obviously, but even at work, I can quietly focus on one task and tune out the rest. Do you know how hard that is to do without a hangover?
  4.  Sex. Being hungover makes me horny.  I could stay in bed all day and screw. (I love saying screw for sex, it’s so fucking funny.) My body is more sensitive and my crazy brain is turned off and I have no shit in my bowels and my stomach is mostly empty and I feel closer to my emotions and sensuality. Brown chicken brown cow.

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