Saturday, June 21, 2014

The First Woodswoman

Last week in the woods, I saw two snakes. Flexing and curling their fascinating muscularity through the brush and brambles of the woods. I prefer to see two snakes over one. Whenever I see one snake, I feel like Eve about to make the choice all over again. Original sin for all mankind weighing down my shoulders like a fat, older child. Don't you think Eve was made to have free will and that choosing sin was what god expected? Wasn't it necessary for the rest of the story? Without Eve, Cain and Able would be dull. There would be no Goliath, no conflict, no sin.

What would have happened to us if Eve had been a good girl and said, "No, thank you." to that snake? Don't you learn by making mistakes? People are interesting because they are not perfect, because they struggle. We are interesting and human because we are tempted by sins and salvation daily. How human would we be without Eve?

Pleasant, happy stories are boring. Maybe Eve was a little bored in Eden with Adam. She stole his rib and then got antsy with the same old trees and songs and hand-holding, she needed some drama. That snake was an opportunist, I 'll give you that, but Eve was as ripe as the fruit of that forbidden tree; she was ready for the snake, maybe even hoping for him. "Let's shake this place up a bit." Chomp.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Detox Week Diary

My Detox Rules: little to no cheese, no meat, no coffee/caffeine, no alcohol, no tobacco---variations on sugar, salt, and junk food will follow.

Day 1: Monday, June 16  "Oh, day one, you minx." Instead of a true detox it's more of a trade.

Trade # 1: no coffee this morning. By 9am I was getting that headache that you get when you detox. I made a green tea (with caffeine) but only one small, weak cup. Wean, not whole turkey for me baby. I missed my 3 cups of black, superior coffee but it will be easier tomorrow.

Trade #2: Ate my weight in chocolate today. Craving sugar from wine/booze. So, I traded those things for chocolate. Lots of it.

Other questionable food choices made to curb the cravings:
Dark chocolate covered cherries, 20 pieces (thanks RW for leaving those)
Nutella & egg brownies, 1/2 pan
Tatertots, 10 tots
Cheese, epic fail, I know, but I ate 2 slices of swiss on toasted rye with sliced cucumber, onion, and mayo (vegan) and it was good!!!!

Awesome food I ate today for health and strength:
Kohlrabi, beet, & turnip slaw with lemon & herbs
Greek yogurt with garlic, herbs, salt, pepper, & EVOO
Market strawberries
Overnight oatmeal, with extra cinnamon & almond milk

Brain: foggy--I said "specifical" to my boss. That is not a word.
Body: sluggish, weak, heavy


Day 2: Tuesday, June 17 
Hiked a few miles this morning, helped curb the caffeine withdrawal.

Ate some chocolate to curb the booze & rich food cravings.

Ate some awesome homemade salsas and guacamole. Started detox tea twice a day.

Overall: less foggy
Brain: slow but working well after exercise
Body: exhausted. Went to bed at 9:30.

Detox is hard on the body. It is lots of work to get all that garbage out. I am super pooped without sugar, alcohol, and caffeine. I'm ready to level out.

Day 3: Wednesday, June 18
Went for an early morning run. Got some good detox sweats in. That sweat was flowing like rain.

Body: I stink less today. Yesterday I was ripe, man, I swear. Detox gets rid of all that nasty garbage in your body and that garbage smells, a lot.  Less exhausted too. Although I went to bed at 10 still. Being good is hard work.
Brain: brain is off today. I think I am going through withdrawal for real. My brain feels thick, muscular. When I need to think, I can feel the muscles straining against the angst of coffee heartbreak.

SIDEBAR: For the last month, I have been drinking and eating and smoking everything.  Coffee to wake up, then another cup or two. A cigarette here a cigarette there, I will smoke whatever you hand me, for real. Then drinking a glass or two of wine each night, plus the drunk "vacation" week, with booze and cocktails and beers. My motto: drink coffee until it's time for wine. END SIDEBAR

Overall: more focused. Still completely craving coffee (more than booze at this point.) Eating cherries (not chocolate covered) today instead of candy.

Looking forward to Sunday.

Made and ate fantastic homemade hummus from Yotem Ottolenghi's Jerusalem cookbook.

Made big salads and from-my-garden fresh pesto pasta with herbs and avocado. Dinner was wonderful.

Day 4: Thursday, June 19
Overall: I was a little bit depressed today, a bit emotional. The lack of chemicals from drugs and the waning cravings, made me edgy and cagey and antsy. I couldn't figure out what I wanted. I opened the fridge 10 times and ate nothing. Finally, I defrosted some amazing chick pea & cauliflower soup that I made last week and ate it all--like 4 bowls of goodness. That was what I ate all day.

As the end wore on, I felt more grounded and peaceful. RW came for Writing Club and we walked and talked and wrote. All of it was good. (Writing a new short story. Maybe it's a crime/mystery? Maybe not.)

Day 5: Friday, June 20
Today is the first day that I am not craving coffee or sweets. OMG! I also don't have a headache. I hiked a few miles this morning. This is what I saw

My sweat is clean, not sticky, doesn't smell. I feel very good--strong, clean, better.

The weekend is coming. My detox ends with friends and Sunday night dinner. I'm looking forward to it, but a bit nervous about re-introducing alcohol into my diet. Alcohol & coffee are the two hardest tricks to kick. Both more habitual than addictive for me--habits are hard to break.

Maybe this is the new me, the one who rarely drinks, the woman who feels better and doesn't need wine or coffee to live.

Day 6: Saturday, June 20
I had concerns that going to the market and being home in weekend mode would make me want coffee like crazy but today I felt great. I keep my morning ritual of walking to the farmer's market. Walked back to the Arts Festival with my family too.

I do still have more of a sweet tooth. Ate some dark chocolate oatmeal Kashi cookies and some tart cherries to curb. Maybe I should make cookies?

What's more evil, cookies or alcohol?

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Writing about Writing Club, as Yet to Be Titled

My dear friend RW and I have started a writing club. Our mission is to dedicate an hour or two each week to writing. We have vowed to open wine only after one full hour of writing and to keep focused on writing, reading, and talking about books for that duration.

Sounds easy, right? So one first night of writing club I wrote a little of the marriage backstory for my novel. Nothing publishable but work nevertheless.

I did a few minutes of research on off-kilter wedding readings and quotes which turned up an Adrienne Rich poem that I’ve read but forgotten and I’m not sure that I like:

"II" from "Twenty-One Love Poems" by Adrienne Rich
I wake up in your bed. I know I have been dreaming.
Much earlier, the alarm broke us from each other,
you’ve been at your desk for hours. I know what I dreamed:
our friend the poet comes into my room
where I’ve been writing for days,
drafts, carbons, poems are scattered everywhere,
and I want to show her one poem
which is the poem of my life. But I hesitate,
and wake. You’ve kissed my hair
to wake me. I dreamed you were a poem,
I say, a poem I wanted to show someone…
and I laugh and fall dreaming again
of the desire to show you to everyone I love,
to move openly together
in the pull of gravity, which is not simple,
which carried the feathered grass a long way down the upbreathing air.

Pretty unproductive and maybe a bit disappointing, not the company or club, of course, but the lack of my brain to make space to let the words come through.

Make space for it and it will come, right? Say, yes.

[I promise that I won’t torture you with weekly updates and how WC is going, but thought you should be in on the ground level for inauguration night. You’re welcome.]