I am just practicing.
I have a very complex relationship with dolladollabills y'all. Once a boyfriend told me told that I had "mysterious finances." And now, after spending time thinking about my relationship with money, I know he was right.
We all hold deep, weird, unrealized ideas about money. In my family, hard work was always valued. We worked hard. All of us. Hard on our jobs, hard in the garden, hard at school, hard at life problems. Overtime at church. Nothing in my family was ever easy. And although we worked hard, and hard work was valued, money was not valued, not really. No one talked about money except when talking about lack. We never had enough money to live well. We usually had just enough money to live basic, unimagined lives, to meet our basic needs. We occasionally did not have enough money to live basic, unimagined lives. We were poor and hard-working.
What were we all working so hard for? Fame? Nope. Honor? Maybe. Pride? Maybe? IDK. But we weren't working to be rich, to have an abundance of money to live fully, to vacation annually, to have regular haircuts, to pay all bills on time and in full. Full living came from an idea of church and family and friends and books-- came from love not from money. We worked so hard to get by. To get by. To get by what?
Multiple times in my life I have worked multiple jobs to make ends meet. I have worked anywhere and everywhere that would hire me so I could pay rent and utilities and not afford to pay my student loans and eat low-quality food and hope that my friends would buy the wine since I was always broke. I do better than that now but for years I lived hand to mouth. That's what I knew how to do. Work a lot to live just beyond my means, paycheck-to-paycheck. To get by.
I love love! I do. It's wonderful. Hugs and kisses and emotion and space and kindness and bunnies are amazing. None of that pays for trips around the world. I want to travel with my friends and kid and see and do things without debt or fear.
I love money.
I love myself.
I am reading a book, You Are a Badass at Making Money by Jen Sincero. I'm all in. So, I will do my homework here because I think WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT MONEY. I think women especially need to talk about money. Why is money a dirty mysterious secret? Why?
I have no idea how much money my friends make. No idea.
How do I know what I am worth?
It's rhetorical. I will answer my own question slowly. This is the work I'm doing here. Unpacking what I'm worth. And then asking for that and taking nothing less.
I am a badass at making money.
(And PS this is true. I have made hundreds of thousands of dollars in my lifetime, maybe close to a million at this point.)
#1: Make a list of all the reasons why you deserve money.
I'm a great problem solver
I'm a deep, compassionate thinker.
I am generous.
I am a mother.
I share; I'm generous.
I perform good and kind acts, volunteer, donate.
Why not me? I am as deserving as everybody else.
I work hard.